Changes
by Spiraling
Summary: Rogue is thinking about changes as she waits for Logan to wake up.


Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, I'm not sure who all does.

Changes

Curled up on the seat, Rogue stared out the window. She let her face fall forward, welcoming the numb touch of the icy glass. Probably the only touch she would have, she thought bleakly. Outside the recent snowfall had covered the landscape in a white blanket. The clear light from the moon turned the snowy world even more foreign. It looked as familiar and comfortable as Mars. Harsh and sharp and unforgiving. She felt lost. Lost like a little child, separated from mother and not understanding the world flowing around it. A small part of her mind liked the white world, but she knew it was from Logan. God, she was lost even in her own mind. Or was it truly hers? Between Logan, Eric, and David she wasn't sure. 

Rogue closed her eyes and pictured a lazy summer day at home. A home she ached for even though knew that it was lost to her forever. At least she had memories. It was hot, well, it was always hot in the summer in Mississippi, but this was a pressing, sticky heat. She never thought she'd miss it, but now even it would be comforting. Marie lay sprawled across the hammock on the wide shady porch. Sweat trickled, pooled in the hollows of her body, but in this humid air it cooled not at all. Maybe if not even her fingers touched each other she would cool off a little. She lay and listened to the everyday sounds of familiar lives going on around her. That was Mrs. Hammond venturing out to retrieve her mail. There went Mr. Thurson with his old mutt, Charlie. Ms. Koulton waved a hello then went back to fretting over her garden. In the house she could hear her Momma rattling dishes and yelling at her brother to clean his room. 

A small sound jerked Rogue out of her reverie. Jubilee had muttered and rolled over in her sleep. Rogue reoriented herself to winter, Xavier's School. Everything was so different from her old life. Marie's life. It had been left somewhere far behind her. Not abandoned, found to no longer fit. Her life had changed so fast that it warped, then imploded, unable to keep up. How had she gotten here? Sometimes she wasn't sure. The events from the ill-fated kiss to now seemed to just have swept her up in their whirlwind, casually tossing her around and batting her back and forth. She had no control over direction or purpose. Once in a while she thought she had reached an oasis, but they had all been mirages that faded abruptly away, leaving her stranded. Even now, after a calm week at Xavier's, she was hesitant to believe she was safe. That her whole future could shift in a heartbeat had been pounded into her over and over. She was terrified of being thrown back into a flow of changes that were almost too fast to comprehend, but that swept away every solid foundation she had known and left her on quicksand. 

Logan was an anchor that kept her from flying off. He cared about her, truly cared about her. He knew what she was, what she could do, better than anyone and he still cared. The sense of Logan in her head gave her no doubt. He wasn't even slightly scared of her. The others at the school could not help it; she made them nervous and it showed. Logan-in-her-head pointed out that it worked both ways. She wasn't afraid of him either. For some reason it had never occurred to her to fear him. She had looked at him and recognized a fellow lost soul. He had spent fifteen years drifting without a past, lost, not even memories to comfort him. She had been lost since the moment her skin began to steal the life of another. They had recognized each other and clung together to keep from being swallowed. Now he was unconscience in the med lab, having been willing to give his life for hers. A total sacrifice that frightened her in it's immensity.

Silently, Rogue rose and padded down the hall. She reached the elevator and once again blessed the professor for giving her the codes for entering the lower levels, against protests from some of the others. With only a slight whisper of sound, the elevator descended. Rogue absently traveled the now-familiar path to the lab. She sat in the chair she had pulled up last night and placed a gloved hand on his chest to reassure herself that he was still breathing. They were still together, that was what mattered. Together they could finally face the future instead of going with the wind. Together they could build new foundations. Content, Rogue finally fell asleep, clutching Logan's hand. Slowly, from a long distance, his hand closed over hers. 


End file.
